Sex & the (so)ci(e)ty

Another evening as usual, away at home away from the scorching heat of Delhi, lazing away to glory and wondering how to get a respite and perform something constructively. I call up a friend of mine and after a few minutes of tête-à-tête, somehow we end up discussing about social networking platforms like Orkut. My friend, informs me innocently about the darker side such forums and how she accidentally stumbled upon a few profiles that ranged from nudity to pornography to obscenity. With a quite little smirk on my face, I reply her that yes, it happens and such things do exist and the fact that you just don’t get so paranoid about it. None the same, as in cases with a number of women, she got all the more paranoid (pun intended!!!!), she mentioned that there were severe consequences , that how the society is degrading towards ruins and how something should be done. While I kept quite for some time and I encouraged her to go on and express more freely, she informed me how children for one may be affected and further how all these mediums should be banned. As thought out, it was a discussion on sex and morality. Mediums not only like social networking but further other things as pornography and nudity related. While I wouldn’t be formulating an opinion on these issues in terms of endorsing right or wrong, but there were things I did wanted to express but was failing to link them up in a string.

To begin with I did agree with the fact that these issues have dire consequences on the minds of children. Agreed. They do. But perhaps, out rightly banning things doesn’t make things better. While we take children as an excuse, I also believe that it’s the so called values instilled in children from their parents that determine their future and not the so called legislations or bans. Parents have to play the right role to look after their children. I’m sure its not much to ask.

At the end of the day, one has to realize that the only reason why such darker sides of medium exist is because they have a demand. Whether it is the minds of a pervert or a psychopath as you might think but these things exist in the minds of lots of people like you and me, but perhaps to some extent. Nudist, voyeuristic images are things that lot of people do look into. Similarly, pornography also has its buyers. The lines to demarcate issues is usually difficult and I for one would not do that. We, as a society in India make a fuss about lots of things. Whether it is FTV showing nudity or it is AXN showing adult content or perhaps Shilpa Shetty getting infamous for the kiss from Richard Gere.

The so called darker side exists in all most everyone to some extent and it is a matter of perception how we look at things. For some FTV may appear to be a matter of nudity and obscenity while others may take it as fashion. Every one has different levels of acceptance for different things.Further, as I rambled on explaining things, I couldn’t help getting a view about various moral policing factions such as Shiv Sena, Bajrang Dal and the likes. While I also did feel that the so called “aping the west” is perhaps more dominant in metros due to the greater level of exposure, and the fact that in typical smaller cities of the country, the so called orthodox thinking exists due to the non exposure and perhaps acceptability. All the same, another contrary thought was that why do we need to blame and discriminate cities just because of being not so adapt and accepting. It would be incorrect if we were to say that tier II and III cities are backward. Today the media has penetrated to an extent that in far flung villages with remote infrastructure, you have the satellite beaming channel V and the likes. To look at it from a different sight, morality is a thin line based on the perception of people. Is it that smaller cities are more moral than the metros. Acts of so called immorality exist their as much as it exists in bigger cities. Perhaps the only difference is that it is pretty much under the shields, whispers and garbs where as it is not so in the metros. Perhaps that in bigger cities, people are more accepting and adapting. But let’s leave aside the war of the cities for a moment. The point I was saying is that it is not a matter of where you hail from. Things exist everywhere, be it a big city or a small city. To explain my friend, I took the example of swinging and how it is a rampant practice that exists in the society. That doesn’t imply that swingers should be banished. Yet at the same time I don’t exactly endorse them as well.

The enforcement of will of a few people extrapolated to a generalization as the will for the collective benefit of the society is not the definitive arrangement for the sustenance of the general well being of any society. Talking about society, if we come to think about it, the Indian society is a suppressed society. We are the land of Kama Sutra, but we dare not speak about sexual escapades. Sex is a taboo that is kept under the sheets. Call it hypocrisy but we prefer to indulge in all the sexual adventures but we prefer to keep tight lipped about it. This is the so called hypocrisy. In our country, you would probably have people shouting on top of their voices on issues in public, that they personally take part in. This is the irony.

People, at times, just need their two minutes of fame at times. At other instances, people want to be in accordance with the so called moral standards formulated by the society. To bask in the warmth of the satisfaction derived from being in consonance with the will and might of the majority. People would so ardently burn effigies and do extreme things and formulate opinion in public, but perhaps when it comes to irregularities exposed upon a personal introspection, we either , make an exception or conveniently distort the truth. This is the irony and the hypocrisy that exists.

We need to understand as a society that merely by banning or social ostracization of people, we can’t bring an end to the various morality related issues. Somehow the society tends to unfold and bring around ways to resurface. The more we suppress, the more it tends to emerge from a different corner in a different form, perhaps in an evolved matter.

At times, a few people and specifically referring to the moral policing entities mistaken themselves that they have a great task at hand to guide the people in our country and society at large in a manner that they deem correct. Further, they mistaken themselves to be the custodians of the so called great Indian culture which they deem is fading away into oblivion due to the increasing exposure to the so called western influx. Like a specie, on the verge of extinction, they take dire steps to safeguard and protect the values of Indian culture. But then my mind says, why do we need to do that in the first place and secondly, who are these people. Who gave them a right to benchmark as the standard for Indian moral values. Since time immemorial, every society has evolved. This evolution takes place only when different cultures mix and there is a cultural amalgamation or a potpourri. A stagnation in a society leads to gradual degradation. On a challenging note to the moral policemen and the morally virtuous people, are we so insecure about our own culture and values and ethics that we need to safeguard to prevent it from extinction. If we are so strong, why do we need conformance? Or is it that since you can’t be a part of certain practices, that is why no one should.

What I believe is that different things, aspects, practices exist in the society but we live with them. At the end of the day people should decide for them selves what is write and wrong. Why make a moral judgment about any such issues. Are we so sensitive as individuals that we are psychologically damaged to see a celebrity kissing on stage. Or we are perhaps traumatized to see any aspect of public display of affection. The Operation Majnu that occurred in Meerut, where couple having there moments of privacy at parks were lathi-charged, abused, publicly disgraced are only images of a weak democracy and society that we send out to the world. Perhaps people have to much of free time for all this. I’d say that even if they did, why form an opinion at all. Regarding the harm aspect, I believe regarding the harm aspect, let people decide what is correct for them rather than factions of political factions deciding it. Nudity on FTV or any other channel is just a click of the remote to avoid. We as a society find it too painful to press that button, but we find it easier to take out morchas and andolans, disrupting traffic and creating legislations. I wonder when we would act like matured people and accept things the way they are. When would we be given the right to decide the good for us. When would personal opinion be respected and more importantly, difference of opinion would be accepted...