Sunday, September 15, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
Friday, February 22, 2013
Ironic isnt it. People whom we love the most have the greatest potential to hurt you the most.
Ironic isnt it. It is easier to fall in love but it is the toughest to fall out of love.
What happens when the person you love moves on and you are no longer allowed to love her. Because she is someone elses.
You are in a dillemma. You still love her. You continue to love her. But you are not allowed to. Suddenly you realise you are standing on the other side of the line. All this time she was no ones, and there was nothing wrong to love her. Now she is with someone else and you are deemed evil to love a married woman.
It is like a double whammy. You want to express but you cant. You want to talk to her, but you cant. You cant, not because of any restriction of others, but for the restriction you have set on yourself. You dont want to destroy or mess up her life. When you do talk to her, you realise it is painful. It is pain when you are not talking to her. It is pain when you are talking to her. You have been craving to talk to her and you are desperate. When you actually get a chance, its joy and pain. Joy because you love her. And yet as you look at her beautiful face, her innocent smile and candid laugh, her hair that she brushes across and puts behind her ear, with each moment you are holding your heart in your trembling hands, an unparalleled gloom descends like a blanket of fog, except that it makes you remember she is not yours. Perhaps she doesnt even have you in her picture. But then you cant tell that to your heart. And that is the most exotic concotion of love and pain at the same time. You feel helpless as you continue falling in love with every moment that you spend with her.
Sometimes you have intimate moments which you just cant forget. Even if it is a simple kiss, or a dance, or more than that. Even of it was for a day. Even if it was not physical and yet blissful. But that was when she was yours. And today she is not. Somewhere she took a call or you took one. But nonetheless you just cant forget it.
You question why its not you, you are jealous of the thought of her with some one else.
You compare what was it in the other guy. He looks like a dumbfuck. But women quip themselves saying we dont go for looks. Of course they go for something else. Its called security. Its called money. Its called social status. Its called whatever. Or I dont know what it is. You wish with all what if scenarios. What if I had don this. What if she was single. What if I had entered her life even before. What if it was a different set of environmental configurations.
Sometimes, she thinks of you as her friend and tells you things about her married life which you just cant hear, but like a sadist whipping himself, you keep on hearing and each word is like blow from a shotgun on to your heart. You wonder how can she be so insensitive. You wonder if she is the person you really loved.
And there it lies. A simple answer to a simple question. If things eere to happen, they would have. If you wanted to be with her, you would be. If she wanted to be with you she would have been. If she really cared, she wouldnt have hurt you.
But its just how to explain to your heart that you dont have any rights to ask for something that has already been sold. And may be you dont. The love will always exist. Atleast in my heart. So what if she loves me or not. But I do. So what if she loves the rich guy or soemone else. Its just accepting that your love may not ever be reciprocated ever again. But you know that in those moments that night, love did exist even though she might be scared to admit it or that she never will. But you saw it in those deep black eyes, when she saw you in a way that said it all.
You just got to keep yourself busy, and let time heal it for you.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Its funny at times when i think about it... Dont know how it would be in the future. Now here I am waiting for your call, but may be I should stop waiting.And it makes me think of Karma.. What goes around comes around. There was a time when you waited and hoped, and I was not into so much, being busy, and taking my time to not open up. Today its the
opposite.They call it irony. You wanted me and you were so sure, but today its changed. When you know I am here waiting for you and having told you so many times, I am ready, waiting with my hands extended, only for you to hold it now, but may beyond this darkness, you have moved a step ahead into the light, that you cant see anything behind in the darkness. You know you can get what you wanted so badly once, but maybe you dont want that anymore, or maybe you have given up on me.May be I was busy once and I didn't see you so well. When you were waiting at that gate with a lantern, hoping I'd be the light inside the lantern of your life. But I was cold and didn't light up then. You
kept waiting, striking a match again and again, hoping Id light up, but at one point, in this cold icy weather, you lit the match for once last time, but unable to take the icy wind, you went inside. Never did
you turn around to see that the last matchstick lit in vain, had actually led the the golden glow.Maybe it was too late. By the time you came back you had your coat on, and the light didnt provide the warmth that you needed before you went in.
There I was standing at the pier, looking at the vast expansive sea with no limits. The Sun was gradually settling in to get comfortable and cosy with the water. Whole day it had spent away from the water, flaunting its power, its heat. Showing off how gorgeous it was... but all the effort of the day couldn't resist the attraction with the cool blue water in the ocean. it was like two passionate lovers, who maintained their distance all this while. trying hard to not to touch each other lips, scared, what might come next and breaching the sacred line with no return. Scared of expressing for the fear of being vulnerable, apprehensive of what the world would say. but in all the tussle, little did the sun realize that by the time the day was coming to close, he started to get to know the ocean better. Gradually, he lets off his guard and as they gentle touch each other for the first time, there is a glow which the emits for the very first time in the whole day. He embraces her and puts his arms around her gently , doing the ball dance for the first time, gently moving his hands to her waists. Twisting and Turning, slowly waltzing, away, and he gets lost
in the smell of her hair, intoxicated to the extent that he doesn't emerge. The world goes into a darkness, and spends hours in the absence, perhaps while the sun is there nestling in the arms of the sea, with a gentle love making that seems for eternity.
As I stand on the pier, and see the romance, I wonder what is it hat I am awaiting for? Is the romance not inspiring enough for me? It is, but you gotta wait for the right ship to come along. Many ships comes as I stand there, and with every ship that docks, I always question if this is the boat that I should get onto. Usually I can see ships come and go, but there is this one ship I know is the one. But somewhere lost in transit as I see the sun set and the romance begin, I am overwhelmed and inspired of the perfect romance. And in that while, there comes a boat, a small one, which wants you to get in and steer it to the far away land. It awaits you, as it gently rocks on the water, left and right. But I am so engrossed that I don’t realize that the boat is gradually getting drifted away in the tide. I look back and try to get onto it, but its too far. And I helplessly see it drift away. As it drifts farther away, I get a sense that may be this was the boat for me, but I waited too long.At times, sometimes u realize that love is not enough..your promise to love for a lifetime is not good enough.. and then there is a hapless look in your eyes, looking questioningly, wondering what else could you have promised...may be you just got to settle in like the dust and see things unfurl as destiny would have it.. a mere silent spectator.. hands tied, mouth gagged and lifeless...