Emotional Coup

What do I write upon today? Often as I walk everyday in and around my house and doing the daily household chores in the markets and malls nearby, there are various perspectives that run within my mind. But the tough part is identifying them and then penning them down accurately as the moment when they first appear on the large screen, it is usually not the time when I sit down and write. So, eventually what happens is like after watching the premier show and then walking out of the movie hall, I have to constantly keep reminding my self of various facets of the thought I wish to write upon and soon after reaching home, like a critique, I sit down to write and regurgitate that what is left on my mind. Tough, doesn’t it seem so. Well, I’ll let you into the secret for remembering. I try and remember the feeling that is generated as a result of the thought and consequently, when I am writing, I try to invoke the same emotion and feeling to simulate the feelings and the thought.

You see the biggest gift for humans is their emotions and feelings. While some people totally try to keep emotions aside on top of a shelf, some people are too engrossed in their emotions and get so drowned in them that at some later point of time, they take their emotions as a weakness. How do they deal with their weakness? They try to run from them. However, after running for a prolonged period of time, like Forrest Gump, you come to a point of numbness. A point that can’t be characterized, like the empty space. Call it infinity or call it pitch dark. We run and run so hard away from our feelings and emotions and get mixed up in the rat race that eventually feel empty in our lives and have nowhere to go and nothing to do. Total blankness. A return to where we started. Essentially, it turns into another of that clichéd vicious circle. The truth is that most of us at some point of time come to the self realization that while emotions and feeling are something that we avoid as it brings all the unpleasantness and the hurt, yet we need them to survive and feel life. Its funny, all the good time we have in our lives but we don’t understand the value of emotions and feelings. And suddenly one bad incident and we suddenly realize how painful emotions and feelings can be to handle. This is when we start running from them. But in the end, you start looking at life in a different manner. Once you have been through the pain, you realize the true worth of happiness and learn to look for it around and enjoy it.

Avoiding the pain, the ego crisis and running away from the evident trauma. We run so hard and fast and get involved in the mad race I this world, that there is often no time to ponder on such issues. You wouldn’t be surprised when you see in movies that the hero has to immerse himself in work to keep himself away from thinking of the affair that didn’t work or the love of his life that ditched him for another man or the wife who walked away or died, or for the son who didn’t recognize his father. There may be innumerable of those examples and I am most certain that while we sit and talk of them in a casual manner in our dining rooms and coffee shops, branding them as a mere exaggeration of human emotions, irony is that we all do go through some of those typical feelings often in our lives at some point of time. And then we find that the things we were laughing on are actually happening to us. So you run, but eventually when you finally get tired and stop to catch a breath of air, you realize you are so empty and fake, leading a pretentious life in front of the world, but still feeling so naked and raw as you stand in front of the mirror to look at your self. You are no nude painting of Michelangelo, no aesthetics, jus a naked body in front of the mirror, who has no place to hide, just tired, burnt and bruised. Full of contempt, burning with anger and devoid of positive emotions, you look like a zombie, a victim of witchcraft. You need emotions and feelings to feel full of life. I guess at the end of the day life is a big compromise. Some people make that compromise easily and move and some people can’t and take their time. The things that hurt you are things that you either avoid by shutting your eyes like an ostrich or you just decide to remove your ego and try to change your perception on that particular issue.

Irony is that the beauty of feelings and emotions can be realized only when you have gone through the bad side once. While I don’t intend to state that as a law, and I am sure people do realize the essence of emotions and feelings, yet I could safely say that they are more pronounced once you go through the turbulence. Perhaps this is what makes you more sensitive to the other side. Too abstract! Perhaps but then I’m sure this must be the beauty and I am sure you could connect to you own examples rather than mine.

Without taking this a step too further, I'd just say . Emotions that hurt you. Emotions that make you run away and yet emotions that make you want for them all the more. I guess I myself am in mixed emotions now.