The color of desire

Isn’t it ironical? We live in a society that is governed by name for each and every relationship and there are stringent rules of existence, but the very basic requirement why we exist in a society is neglected the most. We want to be a part of the society and exist in it, and so we abide with the rules, give everything, but somewhere down the line, the quintessential question is if we know what we want back from the society. Are we playing the game or are we being played.

Perhaps too abstract, but for those who know me and read me, this might be a slightly different read, but then this might yet continue to be quite predictable.

As we exist in a society, we try to be in the social eye, trying to be acceptable, trying to be the right person, in conformance to the stereotyped image of right and wrong. And while this has probably been the case since the time immemorial, perhaps I think over ages, while the society and societal norms may have changed, and evolved, the basic human feelings, tendency and desire has pretty much been the same. The animal instinct still lingers on, even though what has changed is how we perceive the society and how we want to portray ourselves.

Without manipulating with words on the intent and my thought, I simply state that the motive of this write is to breach on the subject of the color of desire, sensuality and sexuality, mixed with the colors of societal trends and acceptance. What is the resulting color on the palette?

Often there are rules of how we should present ourselves, how to behave, how to judge the situation and then act. The list goes on. But then now when we open up the newspapers, we have sleazy scandals, people of influence getting involved, women caught in the flesh trade, gay rights, rapes and murders. Some where in the midst I see the color of right and wrong getting smudged. At times each and every rule is broken and you stand on the cross roads, questioning yourself if you have been a fool enough to have stringently followed all the rules, while there is this other person who has blatantly made a mockery of the so called societal rules. Of course, I am sure that when the person breaking the rules, is in the news, it is not for the right reasons and so you probably again judge him by the social rules, conform that the said person is an aberration and take sigh saying thank god I’m not in that position. But somewhere at the back of your mind, you are tempted to wonder what it must have been on the other side of the line.

What would happen if you have followed a person all your life, only to find that persons himself turned out to be a hypocrite. What would you say to the miraculous Hinduism baba’s who do wonders by making infertile women fertile on the banks of ganges. Nityanand with that south Indian actress. AP Governor involved in a romp session with two ladies. What about the news that the Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi getting a lap dance, or French president Nicholas sasrkozy with Carla Bruni.

I am not being judgmental. I am simply questioning why the double standards and the hypocrisy. But the bigger question is why the hindrance and apprehension to admit to your own desires. Perhaps the question of whether society has actually evolved or rather is it just the perceived image that has evolved.

At one time, when the DPS MMS scandal broke out, with the media trial of the girl, she was perhaps convicted of adultery and it was probably logical to conclude that this was once in affair and that there would no such instances again. But what happened, was quite the opposite. Couples from every corner of the country started recording their sexual acts, in whatever capability and publishing it onto website like debonairblog or the likes. Women of all ages, sizes, captured in various forms on the camera. From consenting acts, to self help videos, to blackmails, to voyeuristic delights, everything was being filmed and recorded. Was it the sexual reawakening and renaissance of the country, much alike to the Woodstock in the 70’s or was it just the revolt and vendetta against the oppression that the society subjected on its citizens. Particularly in a country like ours. Isn’t it ironic, the land of the kamasutra, has now become the society of hypocricy and taboo. We often confer ourselves the title of cultured and we blame the west of immorality.

In my experience, I perhaps stayed in India for a major part of my life and the only window to the culture outside was via the English soaps, movies, and the internet. Perhaps this created a stereotyped image in my mind for the western women. An image where I could see a blonde or a redhead, sitting in a pub and if you buy her for a drink, she’d give into your sexual demands. But in my limited time I stayed in Australia, and Europe, perhaps this image changed. The west is not about women who are immoral or perhaps who are just hungry for sex with any one and everyone and that the fact we as Indians and as a society are much more cultured. Nopes. I saw the best of women who were probably equally committed, loyal, than any one that I knew in India. No, the west is not about the sex kittens, ready to ride. But the only difference is that they are not apprehensive to admit to their own desires. They do not have social rules that strangles them and leaves them gasping for air.

And while I speak, I question, what makes us believe that we are cultured. Perhaps the question is incorrect, as I really don’t agree with defining a society as cultured. I might say that yes we are conservative, but I wouldn’t brand it in a way that we are superior and so called cultured. If that were to be the case, then how could I possibly explain so many videos on debonairblog. How would I explain my friend in Chandigarh going and having an affair with a married woman during the day time. How would I explain myself being lustful and desiring a friend, but perhaps embalming it in a societal gift wrap of love and trying to decorate it with a ribbon of a relationship. How can I explain a colleague who is about to be married in the next month, coming to me talking on how she is tempted to flirt with her fiancées cousin. Or that my good female friend already married, but talking sleaze with me for hours on the phone. How about another married colleague, who leers at another colleague and fantasies about her. Then another a friend whom I know has had a fling with her own room mates boyfriend, knowing that her room mate and this guy were quite serious. How about me, having gone out with women who have always been engaged.

I am perhaps not trying to judge where our society stands in comparison to the west. I am also not trying to be judgmental on the right and wrong, on morality and immorality. I am only questioning our fear to accept our sexuality and desires. While I quoted so many instances of latest time sleaze scandals, it is not about the famous people, it is about the common folk. Just look at the trend over a period of time. Societal rules have changed, some social evils have been done away with, but has the basic human desire changed? Do you think that people two hundred years ago didn’t have sex or were not into sleaze. One of the reasons for the perish of the Harappa civilization was cross breeding. In the times of the Roman empire, did adultery not exist. Why is prostitution termed as the worlds oldest profession. How can Amsterdam and Bangkok exist as major sex destinations. Surely, it has thrived only because there was a demand. And this demand was desire. Because, irrespective of how times have changed, what has not changed is the longing and desire of a man and a woman. And the question that comes along is, how honest are we with our desires. Perhaps what I see is that even though desire is there, different people are at different level of awareness. And those who are at elevated state of awareness of their desire, longing and sexuality, are they in a position to be honest about it.

Am I the one who has dawned upon self realization and moved onto the higher state of existence. Perhaps if some one asks me if I’ve had sex, I’d stammer. If a woman asked me, it would depend. I might say a no to perhaps portray that I’m the 28year old moral guy, who is still waiting for the love his life to enter. I might say a yes to perhaps depict that, yes I am experienced and ready to go again once. Even I try to play with the social games. Even I try to play and not be played. I have my own subvert motives. I’d rather not pretend outright to be the right guy, and turn blind to my own desires. But what I question is that why is sexuality always hidden behind the curtains or below the bed sheet. Why do we need to abuse relationships to get what we want. May be a question is how often would you ask out a person for just sex and nothing else. When the very reason that two people engage is based upon lust and desire, then why play the games of social acceptance, give it a name of a relationship and then perhaps after a few nights or weeks or months, when you have nothing in common any more, and then you pretend that there is no further relationship and again you go through the process of so called break up, just to be conforming to the end of your relationship from a social perspective. While I don’t question that had there been true feelings involved, then of course there is nothing to prove.

However, where I really irk is when both consenting adults are aware that is all about a give and take sultry relationship, then who is it that you are actually fooling by pretending to be in a relationship. Are you fooling your self or the world around. Because at times we forget that no one on the world cares. But still, we ourselves have ghosts of the society and we are conscious to not stray away. Particularly around women in our country. Due to the social stigma attached, they would not be bold enough to face their own desires and engage in subvert guerilla mind games and war fares, indirectly, to get what they would want. They wouldn’t be blunt enough to be direct about what they want.

Where I’d probably put my two cents is that yes while we all exist as per moral and societal standards, it should not actually blind our perception and acceptance of our own desires. I’d rather not be in a relationship, just because I know without a relationship I might not be able to get access to flings and one night stands. I’d rather meet up this friend have a no strings attached affair, if both of us are ok with it, than going through the entire social charade. Id probably not need to depend on so called relationship just to fulfill my desires.

Perhaps an inconsequential and garbled right up that might not lead to any inferences and conclusions. But the question still lingers. Its complicated.