Somebody's Me lyrics

You, do you remember me?
Like I remember you?
Do you spend your life
Going back in your mind to that time?
Because I, I walk the streets alone
I hate being on my own
And everyone can see that I refell
And I'm going through hell
Thinking about you with somebody else

[CHORUS]
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes that someday you will see
That Somebody's Me [2x]

How, How could we go wrong
It was so good and now it's gone
And I pray at night that our paths soon will cross
And what we had isn't lost
Cause you're always right here in my thoughts

[Chorus]
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes that someday you will see
That Somebody's Me [2x]

You'll always be in my life
Even if I'm not in your life
Because you're in my memory
You, will you remember me
And before you set me free
Oh listen please

[Chorus]
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes that someday you will see
That Somebody's Me [5x] 

Ode to my family

I have been hearing this song from such a long time but recently just heard it really carefully to realize hw beautifual the lyrics are.... do read the lyrics nd sing along...

Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo... 

Understand the things I say, don't turn away from me,
'Cause I've spent half my life out there, you wouldn't disagree.
Do you see me? Do you see? Do you like me?
Do you like me standing there? Do you notice?
Do you know? Do you see me? Do you see me?
Does anyone care? 

Unhappiness where's when I was young,
And we didn't give a damn,
'Cause we were raised,
To see life as fun and take it if we can.
My mother, my mother,
She hold me, she hold me, when I was out there.
My father, my father,
He liked me, oh, he liked me. Does anyone care?

Understand what I've become, it wasn't my design.
And people ev'rywhere think, something better than I am.
But I miss you, I miss, 'cause I liked it,
'Cause I liked it, when I was out there. Do you know this?
Do you know you did not find me. You did not find.
Does anyone care?

Unhappiness where's when I was young,
And we didn't give a damn, 
'Cause we were raised,
To see life as fun and take it if we can.
My mother, my mother,
She hold me, she hold me, when I was out there. 

My father, my father,
He liked me, oh, he liked me.

Does anyone care?... [X9]
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo...

Loneliness

Isn’t it ironical? You search an entire lifetime looking for people whom you can call yours, on whom you can trust and rely on. You create an entire pool of acquaintances and people whom you call as friends and family. But at times when you need them the most, you realize it’s all a farce truth and you realize that you are actually alone, standing in the dark in the middle of nowhere, groping and gasping for a breath of air that you can call as yours. Alas! You can’t even call that as yours. You are just all alone, gasping for one true breath of hope and existence.

It’s a cruel world where you have to realize that no one is yours and you might perhaps be the only breath of reality for the people who depend on you and when they need you, and you can’t be there, then there is no one whom you thought you could trust upon. That is when you feel so helpless and insecure. Perhaps this is life and this is the true reality.

All my life, ever since I took control of myself and my family, I have dawned upon the realization through the hard way. So, am I debating on people and their attitudes? Not really. People don’t change. They are always the way they have been and would be. It’s just the disappointment you go through when all this happens. The disappointment when expectations break. Disappointment when you lead down an empty staircase hoping that there would be some at the end, but it ends up like a mirage in the desert.

Too abstract? Who am I really talking about? Is it friends or is it that some one special whom you want to be standing behind your back all the time. Is it family and relatives? Well, I guess all I can say is that it is a hot soup with all the ingredients brewed delicately over a period of time. Yes, it is about friends, ex-girlfriends and family and relatives.

It happens all the time. So many a times when you pick up your cell phone and browse through you entire phone book looking for a person to talk and you find none. When you are euphoric about something but it is meaningless because you cant share it. When you are sad and low and you just need someone but everyone is just too busy. When you have so many entries in your phonebook but they all become meaningless. You become dyslexic. All the letters jump and become incorrigible. And of course there is always the other side and people have their own priorities but then at one point of time you get fucking tired. Tired of excuses. Tired of being understanding and accommodating. Tired of listening to why people aren’t there for you.

At first it starts with just being understanding and convincing yourself that perhaps there is a genuine reason why the person you want is not around. Why the friend you want to talk to is not available. And then you dial another number and see that the next person is not around as well. And you say perhaps this a bad day.

Eventually, you dawn upon the realization that at times when you need people to talk to, they are just not around. That leads you to question whether all the social networking that made you think that you were popular, was it just a mirage or a façade. Is it like the Italian blinds hanging on the wall, which when opens makes you look at the entire world as a magical place? And the next moment it is closed and you are totally shut off from the world.

Wonder what is essentially the cause of the whole situation. Is it expectations being greater than the reality? Or is it a case of distorted perception that is interfering with the subsequent of acceptance of reality.

With times, lot of people come and go. Nothing is permanent in life. One that stays you yourself. The environment and the people in it are only secondary in nature. It is a basic tendency of the human mind to avoid change. You grow into a comfort zone and then you just live with it. But then if life were to be so static in nature, it would surely lead to lack of contentment.

So then what is that you are looking for? Contentment? Or is it merely something that you think would lead you to contentment? Just because you have never had those conversations with your self to understand what exactly is it that you are looking for? The conversation with your self that leads you to the definitive answer of how you define contentment.

At times, you are just involved in the grind that you just borrow the perceptions of others and make it your own. Just because you think you don’t have time. Later when you achieve that you seek, you realize this is not something that you were actually looking for.

At times, when you reach the peak of the mountain that you so desperately were seeking to climb, you fail to realize the euphoria that you truly anticipated at such a moment. Do you feel a sour taste in your mouth? Like you thought you were going to have a chocolate cake that seemed so tempting, but it turned out to be less than you anticipated.

At times in my life, I’ve reached the horizon and achieved things that I really wanted to but when I did, I failed to feel that what I wanted to. Success seemed empty because there was no one to share it with. And yet there have been times when you had people praising you profusely on achievements that perhaps didn’t mean any thing to you. And you grow confused if these accolades are genuine or perhaps a mockery of your own self because people underestimate you.


Gradually, it boils down to mere reduction of your personal expectation levels, and accepting that it is you and only you that make a difference. The greatest love is love for thyself… and if you can learn to live with yourself, then you stand as a rock. Unperturbed by the silent seas or the raging hurricane. Monumental influx of societal façade or continued pangs of loneliness, irrespective, you learn to live on. And in the process if you happen to find people whom you can count on your finger tips, who would always be there for you when you need them, I’d say I would have derived a contentment of a lifetime.

Cheers!!!

Journey into the mind of the broken heart

So many years and so many storms and yet for the captain of the ship, each storm is just as good as a new one. He can learn from previous incidents but not to the extent of actually being able to master every possible storm in the future. Experience makes you more familiar with the process but not with anything else. It’s like the doctor with the scalpel in his hand. As a doctor, you might have performed millions of operations and yet, the next operation can not have a tag of 100 percent guaranteed success.

Just strange corollaries for love and women. It all looks so fascinating as long as you don’t have it in life. The moment you do, grass on the other side looks greener. A few days back one of close friends came up with a problem in his so called “love life”. Me being the permanent actor in the operas with the same role of agony aunt, decided to sit down one day and hear him out.

To give you a brief update on the situation, one guy and one girl. Both friends of mine. Being good friends of mine, I was lucky enough to know the perceptions and their respective story from both the sides. Coming back to the story, my friend and the lady in this story were really close and best friends since college. Of course I hope best friend doesn’t lead to a brand recall for Karan Johar’s Kuch Kuch Hota Hain… (eeiiissshhhh!!!!).

Really good friends, liked each other as friends for sure. Did have love for each other at certain periods of time, but unfortunately, in each cases, the synchronization didn’t match. When the guy liked the girl, the girl was involved somewhere else. Guy moved on and started looking for other options, but by then the girl was free. Guy doesn’t realize. Girl moves on. Guy suffers and wants to come back but the girl is not willing. She has other commitments. This goes on for the entire period of college. Yet they stick it out cos they are really good friends. Typical case of Harry met sally, or for the hindi audiences, the rani and saif starrer, Hum Tum, but with a twist.

Pass out from college, they are still in touch for the next three years. Really in good touch, talking everyday, about everything. In this duration both are thinking of getting married. But the guy likes her and wants to get married. Girl thinks rather than marrying a stranger, she should marry the guy. This is pinching the guys “male” ego. They talk a few times and discuss thoughts of getting married. Leave it marinated, but don’t put it into the oven. Guy goes abroad. Girl missed guy and vice versa. But girl is smart, moves on, has a new friend in her life and soon the broth is simmering here, while the previously marinated dish is in the freezer.

Guy returns, notices a change in behavior. Gets suspicious but then tells himself that he is probably being orthodox, and trusts the girl. Keeps in touch the way they were but he knows it somewhere internally that things are different. He decides to play with it.

He goes abroad again, come back after a longer period only to notice him self being given the second class citizen treatment. He decides he has had enough. He reduces the frequency of calls hoping she would figure out that he is back and is displeased. She doesn’t. Guy then tells her one day to speak only when she has the time for him and not when she is doing anything and everything under the sun.

Days convert to weeks and guy is overburdened at times with the thought on this matter, but not very stressed. Says what the f*&, we’ll see.

Next comes the holocaust, when the girl one day is talking to the guy and the guy asks her if there was some thing that she has been hiding. Of course the guy has got an idea and strong intuitions. The bombing of Hiroshima & Nagasaki. Girl tells him, I am getting engaged. Says sorry for having hurt the guys feelings and doesn’t talk much. Guy is stunned, at a loss of word, but as good friends gives her good wishes, and says that he would like to talk about their previous marinated relationship in the evening. Evening never comes and days pass by again. Guy tries to throw attitude by not taking her calls but eventually succumbs to the temptation and calls back, only to not talk properly.

Guy comes to me and discusses.

Analysis:
Wonderful case of male ego and chauvinism that’s is fucking up his mind up. He knew that the girl was not the ONE but yet he played on. Male ego hurt because he is at the receiving end, or at least he thinks he is. Didn’t want to get married for sure but the idea of his trust being misused is pissing him off.

Coupled with a genuine hurt from the girls side. But being the guy counselor, I’m not surprised that once again a woman has fucked up some ones mind, which is consistent behavior. Don’t blame the girl for getting married, but do blame for not handling the situation properly.

Being the guy from consulting background, I decide to do a brainstorming. Try to create a flowchart of events and doing a root cause analysis to understand the pain points and possibly give a road map ahead.

Given below is the crude form of the preliminary notes taken.

What went wrong?

You did like the idea of falling in love.
You were excited with the prospect of marrying some one from college which would amaze a lot of people.
You loved the idea that people would like it and this would make you more popular (you are a jack ass on this one mate!!!)
Despite friends telling you to give the commitment or the go ahead, you never did.
You just didn’t want to do it. Why?You were confused whether you actually liked her.
You were confused about the reaction from your home.
You were confused because she was vegetarian. (Lollzzz…!!!)
You dint like her cos she didn’t love you. She believed in the fact that rather than marrying a stranger, she would prefer marrying you because she knew you. This was unacceptable for you. You wanted love and nothing less.
She was not very attractive physically.
Gradually you were abroad for most of the time.
You didn’t really think you would marry her.
You were hoping that she is not waiting for you.
You were hoping that something comes up and she gets engaged so that you have one less reason to blame yourself and instead put the blame on her.
Yet, you always thought of her.
Now she is getting married. She has had an affair behind your back, when you were away.
She didn’t communicate it to you in the proper way.
All this time she hid it from you.
She didn’t take consent from you. Was she required to do so? Not at all! .


You are pissed off because
you are less important in her life.
May be She didn’t communicate it to you properly
All this time you saw it happening it beneath your nose but you didn’t pay heed to it.
You named it as trust and turned a blindfold to it.
You feel your trust has been cheated
You are not getting the attention
You are jealous and envious (man you are such a girl)
You feel cheated because at one point of time she spoke to you regarding marriage and then never spoke again. But all this time you thought you had something going on with her when actually she was sipping a cocktail with someone else.
She thinks she is smart by just acting cool.
She is happy and you are not
She doesn’t have the balls to speak to you in an honest manner and wants to avoid the confrontation. (Of course she doesn’t have balls you idiot.. she is a she…. !!!)
Your other friends knew about it but didn’t tell you about it…
You are suddenly thrown this news of her engagement
You are feeling claustrophobic.
You have to smile when you feel like crying
With every congratulation message, you face a blow in your stomach as if you are in the boxing ring.
She is so fucking concerned about her happiness, that she doesn’t sense the disappointment and sadness in your voice.
She is not bothered about you now and she doesn’t talk to you
When she talks its as if whatever.
You are not a part of her life.

Cheer up!!
Who gives a shit. Let her fuck off.She was not the one and you knew it very well. Definitely.
If she tried to act smart, let her. Small thinking.
She is selfish and she has right to that.
She is losing out on a good friend. (that’s you)You deserve some one better.
You anyways have to let go of her some day.
May be this is that day.
You didn’t want to get married to her, be honest to yourself and this is good that it is this way.
Let her move on.
You have to let go of her.
You are too busy with your life and career.
She is miniscule in comparison to the spectrum of your life
Anyways you knew it from the start that she couldn’t possibly wait for a time frame that you wanted to wait for.Its good, you don’t get blamed for the murder and yet your objective is achieved because of some one else.

Road ahead
Remember from past experience
Just move on. It was probably not meant to be.
Perhaps you would realize this some time later. May be it was good for you as well.
The girl is practical. You are emotional. That is the difference. Get over it.
Remember the dialogue in Dil Chahta hain when Amir Khan instigated Saif to go and fight with his girlfriend. He says “Be a man! Mard ban”
See, the reality is that she has made a choice and of course you are not in that picture.
You wanted it to be that way as well but your ego is coming in between.
Tell her why you think she is wrong and what has hurt you.
Eventually she would say sorry and you would suck up to the candy.
But by then it would not make a difference to you.
And for godsake, you are not love lost.
You are the captain of the ship, who has seen many storms. This is yet another small storm.
You knew it was coming.
Just face it now and get over with it.

The goddess of good looking, attractive females awaits you in the beach, slithering in the golden sand and awaiting for your arrival.
Cheers..!!!

Confessions of an infidel mind

Well what do we write upon today? I guess it’s been a long time since my last post. As much as I have been guilty of neglecting this part of my life and being too involved with the new job, yet for the past few months, I have been debating as to what is it that I’d like to write upon.

Perhaps, in the past I have written basically on human nature and relationships and perhaps on the vulnerability of the human mind. Walking in the evening after the rain, I was just brooding on the angle of things that I have written. I have often written on how we as humans justify our own actions and at times we have relationships that are more to satisfy our personal and physical needs or perhaps that at times, there are relationships that have no names and yet they do exist. Not getting into the debate of morality and right or wrong, I decided to look into the issue from a different angle. What happens when you are at the receiving end? How do you deal with it? What happens when you are the one who is not part of something but you have to bear the brunt. The burnt taste that makes you squirm in disgust. The confession. The betrayal. How do you face the Judas of your relationship.

Well I promise I wouldn’t give some long drawn philosophy but I’d say that the betrayal is the toughest part to handle. Coming to accept the fact that your partner has cheated on you is what perhaps makes you fall like a castle of cards intricately balanced over the years. All relationships exist on some basic trust and understanding and one of the implicit meanings of any relationship is commitment, a commitment of staying together and not straying over and crossing the line. While crossing the line itself has its own parameters and boundaries and the line is vague and abstract, often it starts with some thing we all think of as harmless and friendly, but somewhere, the faith and trust is breached.

I often, at one point of time used to believe in things such as honesty, trust, truthfulness. Like people say in bollywood and surprisingly Hollywood flicks as well, on how a relationships should be based out of trust and honesty. At one point of time, I thought that perhaps these are the correct measures to gauge a relationship and keep it going stable. I felt that as a partner in a relationship, I should know everything. However, not getting into the series of events that later changed my perception on the matter, I soon realized that we often say these things to show how open and understanding we are. Perhaps they sound good on movies or as theories and to some extent in reality, but in the end and in the long run, it depends. I’d say that in our bid to be the so called good human being, the one who is so amicable and correct, we try and cover up our real feelings and try to put a lid on them. Another reason why we say things such as honesty trust etc is to safeguard ourselves from something we don’t want to hear something in the long run or perhaps at a later stage. Or, the fact of learning something about our partner from some other source, that puts in an embarrassing position and so we say that in such cases, its better to hear the news of infidelity right from the horses mouth.

I did feel that way but perhaps after a few events, I realized that it indeed is tough to take the news and gulp it down, be it before or after. It’s not just about sexual promiscuousness but rather about unfaithfulness. Yet, coitus-aduterinus is most hard to accept.

The fact remains that I some how feel it is difficult to accept the fact that your partner cheated on you. When you remain committed to a relationship and the partner cheats, it creates havoc in your mind and emotions. Like the waves that crash across the rocky sea shore, it keeps on making you ponder on questions like why, what for, bringing in a nauseating feeling about the whole issue. Your partner may some time feel that he or she has done the right thing by letting you know and accepting his or her mistake, and getting off the hook and guilt. Doing what is correct perhaps, for whatsoever reason, once you are on the receiving end, of the news, makes it difficult for you. And perhaps considering the male ego, it makes it all the more difficult for men to accept if their women have cheated on them. While I don’t want not sound like a male chauvinist, and I do understand that perhaps in the Indian society, men get undue advantage, and it does happen at times that a man committing adultery or cheating on his partner is still something that gets to be a mere mistake on part of men, but when a women has an illegitimate affair, it is considered as a heinous sin, often leading to a ostracization socially or in the relationship in itself. A woman is looked upon in a derogatory manner. Unfair but yes, for most parts of the Indian society it does happen that way.

However, not getting into this aspect, I’d say that irrespective of the gender, it is a very natural human emotion of being hurt and not coming to terms with the fact that your partner cheated on you. Perhaps the partner might be doing the right thing by telling you the truth and asking for forgiveness or whatever, and logically you should be saying its ok but it doesn’t happen that way many a times. You just can’t get to terms with this fact.

It is easy to tell others that the positive side of such a confession to others as I have done innumerable time, saving my friends who more than once used my services. Little did I know how difficult it would be for them. Ironically, when the winds of change started and I found myself in a desert storm, hell turned lose. I realized that doing everything right was just not right enough, and the fact that despite the near perfect relationship, I couldn’t come to taking it properly and aptly. I found it to difficult to practice what I had once upon a time preached. Moving on and thinking that time would make me get through this phase, but it was indeed difficult. Perhaps the first time being ambushed with such a situation, you realize that the real devil lies in your own mind which doesn’t let you rest in peace and ignore. Even if you compromise, it makes you realize everyday for a long time on the fact that how expensive that compromise may have been. The weakness is to accept what you hate accepting. Its like you being violated repeatedly everyday and the facts being thrust on your face. You can squirm or turn your back but it just refuses to leave.

When you love a person but at the same time you can’t make it as your weakness to compromise. Perhaps, one of the partners feel better and for once they think they did the right thing, but being at the receiving end, you come up with issues like why, the reason for justification and then the thought of betrayal. Somewhere in reality, even if these issues are not the actual issues, it’s the core human thought of self centeredness that doesn’t allow one to move on. I wouldn’t know if it is case of male ego or rather simply something very primeval in both men and women, but its was more as one partner was more relaxed and had abruptly transferred the entire burden onto the other. You just have to live with it. You either compromise or you change the equation of your relationship but I guess in very few and rare cases, the relationship moves as before.

Today, I think that perhaps somewhere deep down, I don’t want to know the reality. Call it a coward thing but perhaps it saves me and safeguards me from things which might happen and I don’t want to know. You just come to terms to the fact that at the end of every such storm, it just wrecks havoc on your mind making you all the more weaker and distraught.

Just go there and enjoy. I guess, there are things you just cant control, but whatever you can, do that.

I gotta feeling that you just avoid and as they at times, Ignorance is bliss.