My Encounters With Death

What is the essence of human life? We struggle all our lives to keep things in control. We advance in all spheres of our life and make developments. Human endeavor we may say. We have made advances in technology, business, finance, arts, literature, medical sciences and what not. You name it and we have been there. Each and every possible way, we have grown, evolved and transformed into a force to be reckoned with amongst all the biological species. And yet there is one place where we come to a closed door.

Ever wondered what is the sanctity of life in absolute terms. I wonder and perhaps will keep wondering. Life is so beautiful, something that we all must cherish and live to the fullest. And while we enjoying the prize of life, we forget of a realm that all of us might have to come at one point of time or the other. Death. Perhaps, in every ones life, we do get to see this phenomenon that seems to have no reasons for existence. While the thought of dying doesn’t matter to anyone and yet, the thought of loosing some one in your life is what perhaps makes you most vulnerable.

It seems to be the other side of the cliff, we perhaps never see as one of the places that exist. Standing on top of the Grand Canyon, you can look at the beauty all around, the vast areas that are probably covered by the golden and gleaming sunrays. And we are so overwhelmed with the panoramic view that we fail to look at the other side of the cliff where there is darkness and only shadows of the cliff. Life is beautiful and colorful, but this is one place where there is perhaps no color itself. We are so embattled, and plagued by life and the various issues that we never realize the worth of human life. Why should we? Or should we not at all? But I believe there is a point in time in every ones life when we have our encounters with death and we can do nothing about it. As if some one openly violates you, takes sadistic pleasure in making you bleed drop by drop. The demonic armies of death god ravage you and you can just stand and see your loved ones just slipping away. Away into the oblivion.

What is the sanctity of life? The credibility? I have still not figured out. Perhaps just one second. It is just a fraction of second, which separates life from a body. A second that constitutes and defines your presence and existence in this world. Encounters with death? Of course not vis-à-vis my own life but with respect to the lives of the people around us. People die every second and no one probably makes a note. Is it so insignificant? Is human life so mediocre? Looking at a macroscopic view, it doesn’t. Perhaps when you look at the microscopic view, it does make a difference. For the people who bear the loss, it is them to whom it makes all the difference. These are the people who bear the scar on their faces. The deep gash made by the swift stroke of the scimitar.

When I lost my father, I kept wondering what happened. It was just one second that separated my well-defined realm of existence from one where the very reason of my existence was lost. I recall that single phone call from my uncle asking me to come back home from my engineering hostel because my father was ill. Somehow traveling in the bus and coming back to Gurgaon, I couldn’t solve the puzzle. My father had left for Ukraine a few days back. How was it that he was back in India and I had no clue. And while random thoughts did cross the forbidden line, which I shouldn’t have though about, I felt helpless. Those moments of the bus journey were the worst time when I didn’t know what to assimilate from the situation. I did feel scared expecting the unexpected and yet I just wished that it were all a figure of imagination. Coming back home and seeing so many relatives and acquaintances at home did give me the uneasy and queasy feeling, which indicated that perhaps my worst nightmares had come to be true and yet somehow I lingered on hoping that there would be someone who would tell me that it was all a nightmare.

But the final cut was those words, which changed my life for good. Just a second that separated me from the fact that my father’s life had ended. And it was just that one second when the earth seemed to have been whisked away from right under my foot and time seemed to have stopped in a momentary spasm. People say that with time wounds heal, but I seem to think otherwise. For some time I wished if it was all a nightmare. Flashes of memories appeared before my eyes. Somewhere deep inside you have a faith in life and against all odds, you have a faint glow of expectation. I recall how despite the physical facts, somewhere inside me, I knew this was not true. A faint glimmer that made me think that perhaps one day again my father would right at the door ringing the bell like everyday and I’d open the door to him like I did after every business trip of his.

My fathers body arrived in India after three days of his death and that night I cleaned up the house like always hoping that he is coming back for good. These are probably the moments when one feels so vulnerable and you can do nothing about it. Just accept it and keep moving on in life. Every moment I realized that life is probably the most unreliable entity, which may actually desert you on a lonely highway stretch. And you just wonder why? That’s all. Why?

Various issues emerge as a battle in your mind. What if he was in India and not Ukraine? What if the doctors were experienced enough there? What if there was foul play? What if this and what if that? But these are just battles between the mind and the heart. There is probably nothing that can make you at rest. There is unsurpassed turbulence in your mind and you just wish for one moment to run away. Away into the oblivion.

Times when you have the sudden urge to actually feel the cold steel resting against your forehead, smiling at you with those reassuring eyes telling you that there is peace at the other side. When the cold and glimmering cylinder asks you to give it a chance, to pull the trigger and let the red rose bloom out and blossom on a cold icy night. Only with the hope that you are running through the fields of golden wheat and mustard, where the wind brushes across your hair only to reassure you that life was probably the illusion. A place that gives you the ultimate tranquility from the pressures of life. Just one chance for you to join your loved once again for eternity. But as much as you are tempted, you realize that your life is not just your own but of the people around you as well, those who love you and care for you.

When one of my friends took the decision to end her own life, I seemed visit all those moments once again. I thought I’d be more prepared but perhaps I realized I was weaker inside. It broke my trust for good. Just a friendly reminder that you do seem to be dancing on the tunes of fate and destiny. When the demonic angels are actually playing the cello and violins looking in anticipation for your life. Gradually you come to terms with it and you realize the true worth of life in absolute terms and you want to live it to the fullest. You know that nothing else matters. And you have to move on. Initially you cling on tightly to the past, as if some one is trying to throw you off the ship of memories, and you desperately grip anything you get, with a fear that the memories of the loved ones are the only remnants of the burnt ship you have and if you open your palm, probably like dust it would fly away with the wind.

Another thing that often surfaces in the mind are a lot of unfulfilled realms and expectations. When you sigh with a heavy heart and say, “ I wish, I had told him…, or I wish, she knew…”. A long list of things and wishes that remain unfulfilled and you suddenly find yourself running against time and opportunity. You just sit with remorse and keep on curing yourself of all the time you had with your loved ones and yet you just missed telling them what you wanted to and now you just have a lifetime of wait instead. The anguish at the permanent loss of not only the person but also the opportunity of doing what you wanted to. A regret for lifetime when you just wished you had just a little bit more time. Just the extra time to fulfill all the things that you just can’t anymore forever. As if the door is locked forever and all you have is just the lingering wish. Lingers in your heart.

This is probably the sanctity of life. You just realize the true worth of things in life. Every other time when your loved one goes into the operation theatre, even for a minor operation, you just wait in anticipation outside, when you just hope and hope that you see the person back in life. I have actually gone through such stages of life, and there are random thoughts crossing the forbidden lines. And you can do nothing about it.

Death of relationships is as good as the real thing but perhaps not trivial in terms of loss of life. When despite anything and everything, you actually live in the afterglow of the relationship. When you just clutch on to memories and remember all the good times of the past. Perhaps it hurts more because you can see the person you love right in front of your eyes and you just wonder again why something happened. Why circumstances force you to go through a situation where you are just trying to restrain and cut off yourself from the memories that haunt you in the middle of the night, when you are walking alone on the road or perhaps when you are doing anything or nothing. When you want to go across the line and reach out to try and rejuvenate the relationship but you can’t. You wish the sand in watch glass actually reversed for good. And you again wonder why? What went wrong? Who was at fault? You go through a myriad of emotions for a period of time initially. Hate anger remorse regret hurt trauma and heartbreak.

Gradually you move on and then things don’t matter to you. Why? Not because you have forgotten the past rather, you learn to live with the past. The past memories of the loved ones we lose just don’t haunt you any more. They just co-exist. And that is probably what I have learnt in my lifetime. Just keep walking and that’s it. Life is unreasonable. But then what. Nothing just bear it and move on. At the end of the day what matters is your existence.

I guess these are just issues that surface in every ones life. They surface in my mind every other day. I guess there are topics and issues, which might seem to be most useless and inconclusive to talk about and yet quite relevant. Probably one of those philosophy sessions that my friends have to bear after I get drunk. There is probably no conclusion to be drawn. Just like that. Period. And life goes on and what remains are memories. Memories are the gift we clutch tightly and keep with ourselves like a kid.

Just don’t remember how it ended. Remember how they lived and how you were there to see the best days of your life.

Out of my life, where have you been
I wonder if I’ll ever see you again

How is wish, wish you were here

Death is the end of an illusion called life.

I want to break free

Isn’t it ironical? Walking down the road on a hot afternoon, you occasionally wish that it rained and how it would bring relief. You walk on and day after day and there is no respite. At times you forget and yet at times you wish how it rained and poured. Perhaps a few days later, it does and brings you relief and succor, but if its just one of those one day rains, it ends up making you more queasy and restless. The sun seems to blaze harder and fire more than it usually does. And the little bit of relief that was there, seems to have vanished into thin air. You curse yourself and you curse fate. You shout and anguish with all the pain and hatred against the circumstance that you are going through. But does that make you stop, probably not. You keep on going and you hope one day it’ll rain. There are a number of those downpours that tease you with the thought and then leave you high and dry, but one day it rains like never before and you are content with life. Contentment for eternity, till the next season comes. You are happy and you forget your days in the heat, and perhaps the season comes again, but this time you are prepared.

Come to think of your life, and you see it as so similar to the heat and rain cycle. Days of loneliness and wish for the perfect companion. Leading the material life we lead, there is somehow an emptiness and loneliness that engulfs all of us at some point of time or another. There are so many things, so miniscule in nature, that accumulate till a point, when collectively it looks like a big block that brings a man down to his knees. At this point of loneliness, you look out for a person to be with. The soul mate and the companion, the love of the life. And perhaps when you realize that you are so lonely, at times you get desperate. You try to make things happen in your life. Like connecting a dead battery of a car that hasn’t been used for last six months, to a live battery and creating a spark to start the car and charge the battery, we try and try to find that some one.

It is perhaps like the heat and the rain, loneliness followed by days of companionship that seem be so similar. With a new friend besides you whom you think would be the ideal lady of your life, you get the relief that one gets from the sudden drizzle in the month of May. But it is a matter of destiny, isn’t it? If it is one of those illusionary rains, intense discomfort arises from the scorching heat and humidity that follows. It is as if your dream has broken and the bubble has burst. You can no longer see the various beautiful colors that you could initially see on the bubble. The paradise is lost and so you curse god, you curse life and your fate and destiny, wondering why the one you chose decided to drift away. Why the lady you so deeply loved decided to fade into the oblivion. Perhaps the lady didn’t find you attractive enough, perhaps she liked someone else. Perhaps there could be so many other reasons why the girl you want in your life goes away. But then you move on and wait for the next time to rain. You get accustomed to the betrayal that nature plays, but one day it rains and rains and it rains. And you have the satisfaction and contentment till eternity.

Think of it, the cloud always keeps on moving and blowing from place to place. Halts at places, showers a little and then flows ahead again. Now it is a matter of perception, you can feel depressed and lonely and think of the lady as the cloud. In that case, you would keep wondering why she went away, and where she went, assuming the cloud is feminine in nature. You can spoil your mood and feel dejected and feel the pain as you think where the cloud went and how she rained. How passions burst and how your feeling were mocked.

But there is another way to look at it. Think of yourself as the cloud. You move on in life and go to newer places, come across newer places. At times you like the place so much that you finally decide to stay there till eternity. And till the time a cloud finds such a place, it keeps traveling. Traveling till it is on cloud number 9.

You remember the song “I want to break Free” by queen and the moment the line “ Ive fallen in love, Ive fallen in love for the first time….” Comes and it connects. What is fallen in love? During days of courtship, fallen in love is actually being inlove with some one. consequently, during days of loneliness and betrayal, Fallen in love probably makes you think of creating a degraded picture of love. Fallen is not falling down and having suffered, but its that love and the lady have fallen and degraded. Perhaps you deserve more or the lady didn’t deserve you.

Its just a matter of destiny. One who is to be the one would be the one. people say you have to make an effort to keep the love alive. But what is that love that has to be kept alive by making efforts to the extent that it perishes so easily. Some people are lucky that one they wish for turn out to be the ones who become soul mates. Trust me, they are the luckiest of all. But then for those who are not so fortunate, its how you look at things. Keep blaming yourself and hurt yourself, or keep going ahead.and think of the hurt you save yourself from had you continued and been hurt at a later stage with greater level of attachment.

It is not as easy as i make it sound and it always hurts, and it takes time to get over someone, but then soner or later, you do and you have to . Life goes on no matter what.

Having said all that, one of my dear friends once said “wait for the right person n u will get her. Till then live life like an illusion....Every relationship like a dream...

Someday u will have to wake up from it only to realize that it was JUST A DREAM.....”

That day you’ll be on cloud number 9

Rage of the angels

Funny! Isn’t it? As I start writing this article, I am not in a bit of decisiveness to the perfect start for the subject that I intend to brood upon. What is it that I want to write? and what is it that I can’t or that is making me hesitant! Well, rather than just sounding very analytical in an attempt to disguise the pandemonium in my mind, I’ll be honest and start telling you what is on my mind.

Morality! One word, four syllables mo-ra-lee-ti! And yet the most ambiguous word that I have come across personally. So what is it we are talking about. Surely if you know me, then you’d know that I wouldn’t be stupid enough to preach a sermon on morality. For all you know I might turn out to be like a priest in the whorehouse.

Just a few weeks back I was having on of my relatives at my place. When women meet and gossip starts, time seems to be running away for them. Ironically for us men, time seems to stop. My venerable mother and aunt were talking and gradually the course of the conversation took a turn and got onto the recent incident in Gurgaon, when a 19 year old muslim girl hailing from Delhi was found dead at a nearby mall. Supposedly, the lady had died due to a fall from the 3^rd floor after coming out from a pub at 3 in the morning. My mother innocuously not aware of the issue in totality were conversing and overhearing this made me sneer and feel very uncomfortable. My mother and aunt were talking on today’s culture and were amused at the fact that these days’ actresses are paid more for dressing with smaller and shorter pieces of cloths. Naturally extending this theory, they concluded that soon, highest paying actress would be the one for no clothes at all.

This definitely made me smile and my mind drifted to another of those fantasies of mine. But I think I’ll spare you of all those details. Coming back to the tête-à-tête, the ladies were talking of the immoral days we were going through and how today, there seems to be no respect for the culture and women are dressed so skimpily revealing almost everything. This made me so sick and I felt so sad that my own mother was being so orthodox and outdated. I felt like a teenager trying to avoid a topic when his parents try to tell him have sex or something embarrassing and so I soon left the room.

A few days back, I went to meet another good old friend of mine. As per usual protocol, we sat down in a pub and after a few drinks, my friend approached the subject of women and as usual when a few men sit down they obviously brag and boast of their chivalry and adventures with ladies. However in this case, there were only two men and I always innocently listen to all the stories in awe as I surrender right in the start of the duel by getting my hands up. I pretend to be the simple man with clean heart and not so cool.

So just like any other day, I sat down and heard my friend out on his journeys and voyages to the unknown. On how women fell to their knees and submitted to his charm and smitten by his good looks and they purred like sex kittens. Initially, it sounded great and it made me wish I was lucky enough. Who wouldn’t want a favor or a fellacio in the car. Obviously like any perfectly normal guy, I felt so aroused and wished that my lucky days started. Meanwhile, my playboy friend counted out innumerable instances of ladies whom he had taken out for a drink and then in a few days time, he was getting physical, in the pub, in the car and perhaps at times in his own house.

As I kept on listening, there was somewhere something that started disgusting me about him. Some where deep inside there was some thing that was bugging me and I couldn’t get to it. Firstly, I felt sad that my friend was finding it so cool to be the new age Emran Hashmi the wannabe. While I was safe behind the so-called curtains of morality, like majority of us do, who love to make a sling shot and throw mud at others, yet I tried to identify what was it that was making me adopt standards of duality. Perhaps the fact this friend of mine had a girl friend who with all her heart loved him in totality and waited for days when they could be together. She loves him more than he can imagine and is still clinging on to the past memories whereas my bastard friend goes around the city humping on different women with no control on his libido and no care for the lady whom he has promised to love once upon a time.

I had another friend who has slept with many men, perhaps more than 100 but then when I talk to her, I realize she is also correct. She says that abroad, men go through women as if they are going through pints of beer. Next morning they don’t remember. But if a woman does the same she is branded as a whore who is not subscribing to the moral standards of society. She has a daughter with a man she loved so much and who conveniently estranged her. The man also turns out to be my friend who ended up in south American and fell in love with another lady and then again came to India to fall in love with a lady from the north east.

Love! Relationships! This brings me to another anecdote of my life and my past and trust me this is the last one. I know you must be wondering if I’m planning on just telling you stories. Often I have seen my friends fall in love and so called affairs and then profusively praising and expressing their love. With utmost devotion them carrying forward their lives for some time and then more often than not, those relations shattering like infinite pieces of glass. And I wondered how people are so shallow and blindly put things under the tag of true love when don’t even know whether 5 weeks down the lane they might not know whether they might like to continue. Once in my own life I came across a lady whom I really loved a lot and then there was a relationship developing that had no name. True love and yet there could be no commitment as that had already been given to someone else. I knew that the lady in this context was supposedly and officially going out with someone else.

But still I treaded on this dangerous path and as fate had it, we despite the supposed societal rule and norms came close and got involved. There was a compromise in terms of the name to the relationship and there were difficulties but that did not deter us from coming close. It reached a point when separation for even an hour was difficult. And while I always craved for the name and doing everything that other guys get to boast of by being called as a boyfriend, yet I realized that it is not the name but the feeling that really count. Being in involved in a relationship of such a nature where the girl whom I loved and who loved me was supposedly involved with someone else out of cmpulsion was something that was not common. We gradually came close enough to the level that was physical and emotional in nature. This probably the time in my life when I realized how people who never bother about you ever are the ones who take the first shot at you to sling mud at you. Often I had to face the wrath of my other female friends who conveniently told me that I was being immoral and doing the wrong thing. I believe these ladies were playing the role of moral policemen. These were the days when I hated the world for being nosy into everything that they shouldn’t be talking about. A great level of contempt was in my mind and perhaps being the rebel and defying the norms of morality and so called conduct of society, I ended up with public display of affection to level I believe shouldn’t have been done just because of the fact that I was trying to prove a point. How and why the relationship ended is another different story but I realized for one thing that there are times when you have relationships that can’t be branded or named, when you are so helpless and consequently consecrated after being circumcised on the alter of societal norms.

If you notice I have mentioned four short stories with a viewpoints that are all valid. When I sat down to write this blog, I wondered whether my mother was wrong. Perhaps at times one does get a feeling that wearing skimpy outfits can’t be termed as immoral, it is just a form of expression and existence. But when you go to a pub in M block GK, or for that matter any pub and see young school and college girls getting ready to the extent of bending down and submitting to small time sexual favors, it really makes you think whether everything is indeed correct. Of course being at the receiving end as a guy, no guy would refuse an offer for that matter and so it is not just about women. What pains me is the fact that men as big hypocrites as ladies for that matter. Maintaining dual standards and going about hitting on the gas to fuel their libido is not something that I would count as a justification.

At times you do feel that perhaps the viewpoint that our older generation profess at times may be misdirected and orthodox, yet they do turn out to be true for that matter. We as a part of the society love to judge. We judge and judge and judge. But for what. Just to prove that we are so correct, is that not. More often than not, every one derives sadistic pleasure by judging others and trying to set standards of morality. I do the same. Why complain or boast. When I was involved in a relationship without a name and with loads of physicality, I was on one side of the line and when my friend was screwing around while his innocent girlfriend was crying remembering the good old college days of togetherness, I was playing as the judge on the other side of the line. And this is perhaps one of those topics that can’t be conclusive. Every time the bajrang dal or sushma swaraj try to play moral policemen, we cry foul, and yet whenever we get a chance to sling spit balls at others, we pounce on such opportunities.

So the bigger issue is whose morality is correct at the end of the day? Is it my mother who is so against skimpy clothes and cleavage display! Or is it mine when I was in a relationship, which according to people was merely an adjustment to satisfy my sexual urge. Or is it my friend whom I term as a bastard for not being honest to his girlfriend and going around getting small favors? Maybe he is honest, as he puts it, because he doesn’t engage in intercourse.

Sexuality is a very basic tendency of homo sapiens, but that doesn’t mean we have a blind world with engaging in sex implying that we do act as in the animal kingdom. We are different and though basic instincts can’t be denied, yet we have evolved and we need to respect some aspects in life. We might like girls wearing minis and showing their assets but at the same time we might not like our best friends and sisters doing the same and getting the glimpses of horny men.

Sexuality exists everywhere. In the office, in the market place, in the shopping mall, in the bedroom. Every place you talk about. Why don’t you have women perhaps bending a little bit extra to show their cleavage and panties to just get a few favors in the office. The accidental touch, the so called overtly tight friendly hugs, the casual patting and stroking. It all happens. So what do we do! In fact nothing. It is easy to go fucking around the city but it does destroy relations for sure. And then there are those convenience relationships which are open ended with no strings attached. Free and casual sex.

At the end of the day, one can go on and be fascinated or disgusted with what he sees. I don’t say that thing will change as I write. Morality is something that is personal and needs to be dwelled upon by each person by giving time to self and introspecting. It is easy to judge and be the so called critique. But the real challenge at sunset is to practice what you preach. Morality is something that can’t be fixed. It is one of those grey areas. I don’t proclaim myself as the alter of sanctity. I am also vulnerable and tempted. I might say deviating once or twice is correct but not more than that. But then this would probably be when I am on the verge of getting lucky. And when I have no distant chances, I would change my status and view. The then morality would be total sexual fidelity and abstinence from any unfaithfulness.

We twist and distort truth to suit ourselves, we undress it as if we are about to enter it and reach an orgasm. This is perhaps the dilemma or the unfortunate situations. We justify things to convince our self and adopt to dual standards. And this is what id like to close upon. I don’t give a fuck about what the world does. It is me who matters the most and I believe that adopting dual standards and hypocrisy is the worst thing a person can do. So I don’t say don’t have sex with anyone other than your wife and neither do I say do. I just say that define your own code on morality and have the balls to stick by it. You might be a master fornicator but then accept and stand by it. Second, do anything you wish but be ready to face the consequences.

As for me, I walk alone and still finding my own answers…………….

Rape of Democracy: Can we do something?

India! The world’s biggest and perhaps greatest democracy. Doesn’t it feel good to be a part of such a system? Does it not raise your shoulders with pride? Does it not fill you with a sense of egoism and nationalistic pride? Well as far as it concerns with proving mettle with democracy in terms of familiarizing with the protocols of diplomacy, bureaucracy and the process of elections, we seem to have been mastering the art to perfection.

With 58 years of independence and having moved on from a republic with strong influence of socialism and the influence of soviet brotherhood to a state of opening of the Indian markets with jargons like liquidity, liberalization, globalization coming to use, we have proved to be one nation with exuberance and dynamism unparalleled. Going through this roller coaster of transition, we have adapted repeatedly and perfected every nitty-gritty detail about every aspect that would result in us being christened as the World’s Biggest Democracy. Like a fireman having to follow the general protocol every time he hears the siren, or like the monotony with which a bank cashier receives cash at the counter, we know democracy inside out like no one else.

From dirty, petty politics, like a bunch of roadside beggars squabbling for a piece of leftover bread in the garbage can, we have politicians who seem to have left no stone unturned, no situation that they haven’t created and no solution that they haven’t found. In fact I think our politicians should be commended and given a pat on the shoulder in appreciation for their ability to resolve every issue amiably in the most noble manner so that every one derives the pleasure of the orgasm which thy derive ultimately after raping the system. They rape not just system but the people, their expectations, their hope, the morality, spirit and the conscience of democracy, the hard earned money of the tax payers.

This is probably the dynamism of the system. However, scratch the wound and we have merry and gay bunch of problems that still seem to be holding us back from being what we can be. True potential restrained and chained.

Every morning when you read the newspaper you probably have adapted to seeing news of murders and rapes. We might boast of IT and culture. Morality and conscience. The upcoming nation that flaunts a GDP growth of 8%. The sensex reaches new heights everyday. But how does it really make a difference. Is it material at all? When you have the libido of the nation that seems to be dictating and creating future of the nation, such incidents are an eloquent testimony of the virility we possess. When you have the rape of 1 year old girl at Ghaziabad by an uncle. Or the gang rape of women at remote villages Bihar UP MP and other states. Women being paraded naked in the streets of interior villages of Muzaffarnagar district. Being blamed of infidelity after a woman denies sexual intercourse to her father in law results in being tormented, paraded naked in the village and then being burnt alive.

Not just states. We can’t let the states have the credit to them. Our metropolitans are also experts in this art. We rejoice at the fact that Delhi attains the rank 150 in the list of world’s most live able cities overtaking Mamba. We rejoice at Hyderabad and Banglore being considered as more expensive cities in the world than Paris and New York when it comes to providing accommodation to US diplomats. But is it what matters? It seems so fake, when these cities that are being so proudly flaunted also show their dark and ugly face. When foreign tourists as well as college girls are molested, brutally raped and killed. Why? Is it a law and order problem? But we have such an efficient system of law and order.

We boast of the efficiency of the police force but we conveniently omit when a protector of law himself is victimized by his sexual desires and ends up raping a lady in distress who actually was at fault because she had a faith in the system. She makes a foolish judgment that any cop fights to protect the public. And so she innocently asks for help and she is rewarded appropriately. Like the gift of betrayal that Jesus receives from Judas. Like the famous bandit Salvatore Guiliano in Mario Puzo’s Sicilian when he is betrayed by his second in command and childhood friend Aspanu Pisciotta. Do you know what it must feel like? Imagine the days of innocence of you as a child, holding your fathers finger and walking, unknown of deceit and treachery. And the look when for an instance everything changes. The hand that you have been holding in faith is the hand that is selling their daughters from villages of Orissa to villages of Haryana. Its like letting go forever.

It is like the country has gotten into a fetish, wearing leather pants and garner belts with a whip in hand, sadistic pleasure is guiding our system.

Have you ever wondered what would the current decade be labeled as after 20 years. Perhaps the decade of MMS scandals. Where is the respect for law? When the law fails its own people, then these people start failing the law.

Everyday when I drive on the roads of Gurgaon and Delhi, I see hooliganism, vandalism and no sense of security or respect for the system. Violators have their day. Jump red lights, drive like maniacs, talk on cell phones and possibly make a mockery of the law of the land in the best possible manner. Who is going to stop them? The feeling of being above the law of the land is just too intoxicating to be forgotten. It gives a feeling of power possessed by an untamed animal roaring to proclaim its rights. People who follow rules are fools. They are too docile and have to submit to these merry men. The protectors are busy making money on weekends by parking a patrol car in the crossing of DLF and stopping every other car and finding faults like lack of compliance in terms of the sun shade put on your car. Of course they are doing perhaps the most important job. They are such philanthropists who let go of defaulters by giving them a warning. Of course pocketing a five hundred rupee note is just the transaction fee.

In a culture where the “Sab chalta hain” ideology has evolved, it in difficult to fight the menace posed by the hapless situation we are in. there seems to be a shortcut for every thing. It seems we are just beating the system that has been made for us in the first place. Vision seems to be colluded but then you have to move. Mist is a part of every winter but that doesn’t mean that the airports are permanently closed for the whole winter. You adapt and evolve. You upgrade.

I could go on and on. Trust me. But then I just don’t intend to criticize. Obvious question would be what can be done. Trust me at times we Indians keep looking back and living on the past and never care to make improve the present so that we can have the best future. You see movies like Rang De Basanti and it makes you think. Of course every nations has its set of problem. But somewhere or the other, you have to introspect and improve. This is what the debate is all about. Can you pin point and figure out one way of solving the crisis. Ask people to point out the deficiencies and trust me you could spend a lifetime of energy in formulating what is missing in the system and how it is lacking. But that doesn’t solve the problem.

I think we as a country and as a society need to understand only one word. RESPECT. If you know what this means, you have made the job easier. What we lack is respect. Respect for ourselves, respect for our system, respect for other people. True power lies in the power of self-realization and not in any other materialistic virtue. You have to start learning the art of respecting yourself, and the people you come in touch with. Remember you can get respect only if you give respect. Respect the system. If there are rules made, they are made for adherence and not violation. We can pretend to be vast and diverse as a nation, we can be the biggest democracy, but lets stand together to deserve what we earn. Try to make a change. And it all starts from you. I might be miniscule enough to do anything, but I get the sense of satisfaction of having followed the system, every time I drive on the road. There are irrational people who tempt you at every corner of your life to say to hell with the system. But then such irrational people can go on but somewhere or the other, you might get back with them but at the expense of making a mockery of the law. And the next time you are subject to an injustice, you would not be in position to criticize the system because you yourself happened to take things into your hand at one point of time. Respect not because you are scared it might hit you back later but respect because you are a part of this great democracy. And if we all start on an individual level, then surely collectively it would reflect.

True power is not the show of force but the show of restraint. Every one can be above the law, break the system, distort the paradigm, but then that denies the purpose of the system in itself.

A system which respects its people would be truly available when we have people who respect the system. The biggest democracy, would be meaningful when women would not be paraded naked or raped, when the girl child is not killed. When a model is not shot down in the middle of a restaurant and the culprits are free men. It would make a difference when innocent citizens are not killed in the name of suppressing insurgency in the northeastern states or curbing terrorism in Jammu And Kashmir. Hopefully we would not have the RAF, Police and Army killing democracy with absolute power exercised to control a simple agitation. Neither would we have custodial deaths and term our citizens as criminals.

I am sure that we would evolve and give a better India to our next generation.

Indian Hypocrites : Why India struggles internally?

For the past few months, I have been on the verge of writing something related to our system. Something concerning our outlook and view about life, the system and the paradighm we live in. If you read my earlier blog Hindustan, you would get a feeling that I have touched the topic. Yet effectively writing on why we are abusing our system and raping it couldn't be concretized as somehow my thought process was skipping certain areas.

Everyday when I drive on the roads of Gurgaon, I see hooliganism, vandalism and no sense of security or respect for the system.

Finally I have got hold of the copy of speech of our venerable President, which is bang on target and inspires me to formulate what I wanted to write. Probably next blog would be on that.


Please read this article by giving 10 minutes from your busy life.really good....

The President of India DR. A. P. J. Abdul Kalam's Speech in Hyderabad.


Why is the media here so negative?

Why are we in India so embarrassed to recognize our own strengths, our achievements? We are such a great nation. We have so many amazing success
stories but we refuse to acknowledge them. Why?

We are the first in milk production.
We are number one in Remote sensing satellites.
We are the second largest producer of wheat.
We are the second largest producer of rice.
Look at Dr. Sudarshan, he has transferred the tribal village into a self-sustaining, self-driving unit.

There are millions of such achievements but our media is only obsessed in the bad news and failures and disasters.

I was in Tel Aviv once and I was reading the Israeli newspaper. It was the day after a lot of attacks and bombardments and deaths had taken place. The Hamas had struck. But the front page of the newspaper had the picture of a Jewish gentleman who in five years had transformed his desert into an orchid and a granary. It was this inspiring picture that everyone woke up to. The gory details of killings, bombardments, deaths, were inside in the newspaper, buried among other news.

In India we only read about death, sickness, terrorism, crime. Why are we so NEGATIVE? Another question: Why are we, as a nation so obsessed with
foreign things? We want foreign T. Vs, we want foreign shirts. We want foreign technology.

Why this obsession with everything imported. Do we not realize that self-respect comes with self-reliance? I was in Hyderabad giving this lecture, when a 14 year old girl asked me for my autograph. I asked her what her goal in life is. She replied: I want to live in a developed India. For her, you and I will have to build this developed India.

You must proclaim. India is not an under-developed nation; it is a highly developed nation. Do you have 10 minutes? Allow me to come back with a vengeance.

Got 10 minutes for your country? If yes, then read; otherwise, choice is yours.
YOU say that our government is inefficient.
YOU say that our laws are too old.
YOU say that the municipality does not pick up the garbage.
YOU say that the phones don't work, the railways are a joke,
The airline is the worst in the world, mails never reach their destination.
YOU say that our country has been fed to the dogs and is the absolute pits.

YOU say, say and say. What do YOU do about it?

Take a person on his way to Singapore. Give him a name - YOURS. Give him a face - YOURS. YOU walk out of the airport and you are at your International
best.
In Singapore you don't throw cigarette butts on the roads or eat in the stores. YOU are as proud of their Underground links as they are. You
pay $5 (approx. Rs. 60) to drive through Orchard Road (equivalent of Mahim Causeway or Pedder Road) between 5 PM and 8 PM. YOU come back to the
parking lot to punch your parking ticket if you have over stayed in a restaurant or a shopping mall irrespective of your status identity... In
Singapore you don't say anything, DO YOU?

YOU wouldn't dare to eat in public during Ramadan, in Dubai. YOU would not dare to go out without yourhead covered in Jeddah.
YOU would not dare to buy an employee of the telephone exchange in London at 10 pounds ( Rs.650) a month to, 'see to it that my STD and ISD calls are billed to someone else.

'YOU would not dare to speed beyond 55 mph (88 km/h) in Washington and then tell the traffic cop, 'Jaanta hai main kaun hoon (Do you know who I am?). I am so and so's son. Take your two bucks and get lost.'

YOU wouldn't chuck an empty coconut shell anywhere other than the garbage pail on the beaches in Australia and New Zealand.

Why don't YOU spit Paan on the streets of Tokyo? Why don't YOU use examination jockeys or buy fake certificates in Boston??? We are still talking of the same YOU.

YOU who can respect and conform to a foreign system in other countries but cannot in your own. You who will throw papers and cigarettes on the road the moment you touch Indian ground. If you can be an involved and appreciative citizen in an alien country, why cannot you be the same here in India?

Once in an interview, the famous Ex-municipal commissioner of Bombay, Mr. Tinaikar, had a point to make. 'Rich people's dogs are walked on the streets to leave their affluent droppings all over the place,' he said. 'And then the same people turn around to criticize and blame the authorities for inefficiency and dirty pavements. What do they expect the officers to do? Go down with a broom every time their dog feels the pressure in his bowels?

In America every dog owner has to clean up after his pet has done the job. Same in Japan. Will the Indian citizen do that here?' He's right. We go to the polls to choose a government and after that forfeit all responsibility. We sit back wanting to be pampered and expect the government to do everything for us whilst our contribution is totally negative. We expect the government to clean up but we are not going to stop chucking garbage all over the place nor are we going to stop to pick a up a stray piece of paper and throw it in the bin. We expect the railways to provide clean
bathrooms but we are not going to learn the proper use of bathrooms.

We want Indian Airlines and Air India to provide the best of food and toiletries but we are not going to stop pilfering at the least opportunity.This applies even to the staff who is known not to pass on the service to the public.

When it comes to burning social issues like those related to women, dowry, girl child! and others, we make loud drawing room protestations and continue to do the reverse at home. Our excuse? 'It's the whole system which has to change, how will it matter if I alone forego my sons' rights to a dowry.' So who's going to change the system?

What does a system consist of ? Very conveniently for us it consists of our neighbours, other households, other cities, other communities and the government. But definitely not me and YOU. When it comes to us actually making a positive contribution to the system we lock ourselves along with our families into a safe cocoon and look into the distance at countries far away and wait for a Mr.Clean to come along & work miracles for us with a majestic sweep of his hand or we leave the country and run away.

Like lazy cowards hounded by our fears we run to America to bask in their glory and praise their system. When New York becomes insecure we run to England. When England experiences unemployment, we take the next flight out to the Gulf. When the Gulf is war struck, we demand to be rescued and brought home by the Indian government.

Everybody is out to abuse and rape the country. Nobody thinks of feeding the system. Our conscience is mortgaged to money.

Dear Indians, The article is highly thought inductive, calls for a great deal of introspection and pricks one's conscience too.... I am echoing J. F. Kennedy's words to his fellow Americans to relate to Indians.....

'ASK WHAT WE CAN DO FOR INDIA
AND DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE TO MAKE INDIA
WHAT AMERICA AND OTHER WESTERN COUNTRIES ARE TODAY'

Lets do what India needs from us.

Forward this mail to each Indian for a change instead of sending Jokes or
junk mails.

Thank you,

Dr. Abdul Kalaam